Where I am today...

I am 36 years old.

I have four awesome children, who really give my life meaning. I don't say that because we mothers have to say that. I say it because it is true. Without my children, I don't think I would have had much of a life or any real purpose at this point. They have been my reason to get up every morning and to carry on no matter what. They have saved me.

I am pending a second divorce in my life, this time it is from "the one". If ever I had believed in a "the one" theory, trust me when I say he was it. Was it because he was perfect, flawless and did everything to be the best husband to me or man in general?  Not at all. But he was my balance, the other half of me (as people like to say). He was the missing puzzle piece...my soulmate. You don't have to be the same person or agree on anything to know that you know this person was it for you. If you haven't experienced that feeling, then keep looking for it.

So where do I go from here? Life will go on and I know how to survive. That is one lesson in life I have learned quite well. I can continue to hope for my marriage to come back to life, that would entail a man to come back from a war where he lost a big part of himself. Not even sure he knows that he didn't fully survive. Seems pretty silly to hope for that, but secretly I still do.

But for now I have to accept what I know to be true today...

I am on my way to being divorced, I have four great children, I have a home and life. Deep down I am really really sad, but I know I want God's will in my life. I have prayed for that, whatever that be. Because no matter what heartache I may face, he will steer me in the right direction to give me more than I have ever wanted or thought of having.

So I am doing my best to let God lead the way. My first lesson is Good Stewardship...let's see what I learn...